my DReams are these sails that i point toward my true north

What a long week!  It’s hard to think about what I’ve done each day because my days here are so long and so full! I’ve been getting up at about 6:25 each day and going strong until 10 at night.  Each day for me here looks different, sometimes I have more office work to do, other days I spend more time out in the community. The group that has been here has required a lot of extra care so that has been a big part of what I’ve been up to this week, driving people around and caring for people who are sick. The general consensus is that this team has been more needy than most, and we have had a lot of obstacles in the past two weeks. We had a break-in on campus followed by the trial, a girl had a seizure, a man broke his finger, most people have been sick and high-schoolers are just plain difficult to deal with sometimes. A big part of my job is to encourage others in their work, so I’ve felt especially drained in encouraging others in the face of such a difficult group.

Like I said, there was a robbery in one of the cabins of girls here on Saturday night while we were all in town. The 16-year-old boy was caught by our campus caretaker/guard and he was taken to trial in La Vega, which is kind of like the seat of the county. It was found out that he is from a financially stable family, he robbed the cabin as a kind of dare or gang initiation by some other young boys. Because he is so young, he was sentenced to return all stolen objects, and to work on our campus pay-free for 30 days. The girls whose cabin was broken into were able to meet the boy, talk to him, and forgive him in the end. Although I wouldn’t necessarily wish this experience on anyone, it is cool to see the way that God works all things for good. I hope that the girls have learned much about themselves and forgiveness through this, and that the young man benefits from his time here, both as a person and spiritually. It’s so cool to see when a bad situation is turned into a beneficial and helpful one, only by God’s grace.

Last Thursday afternoon I was able to go to my old house and see Denis and Channey, my Dominican mom and brother. I was nervous to go, but it was so perfect when I got there. My Spanish came to life and I was able to say (most of) what I wanted to. They made some more changes at the house, the floors and walls in the kitchen and bathroom are tiled now. The house is built on the edge of a steep hill and they are building an apartment underneath Denis’ house for her oldest son, Aneudys and his wife and kids. Although I have two mothers in the States, there was a feeling of coming home when Denis hugged me. I continue to be thankful for the time I spent here in 2010, and it continues to change me. Channey is walking again since his bad moto accident last summer. It’s good to see him more the way that I remember him. When I was here in February, he had just had the metal brace removed from his knee that he wore for 8 months which kept his leg completely straight. Denis showed me off to a few of the ladies on her street, she is so proud that she has an ‘American daughter’ and that I have returned to see her twice. I am constantly reminded of the blessing that they are in that they treat me as one of their own, I am completely accepted with open arms. I find joy in this, but also sadness as my heart longs for the time that I was completely theirs. It is a difficult thing to be back in this place where I had a completely different experience, and to not wish to be back in that space. I have had to adjust my expectations for my time here, because this time things are different, though not bad by any means. Looking back, I can see clearly that my time here was a turning point in my life in many ways, I am so blessed to be back in this place.

Last night I stayed up way too late with two of the male interns and they shared their stories, their testimonies of faith with me. I am blown away and so thankful for this on a number of levels. I am grateful on the most basic level that I am building trusting relationships with me, where they felt comfortable to share the hardest parts of their stories with me. I was also encouraged in my own faith in hearing what God has done for those two young men, the redemption, peace and forgiveness that they have found. Josh did an activity with the interns (there are 8, 5 girls, 3 guys) last night where each person wrote an encouraging note to all of the others. It’s so cool to see the relationship these young people have built in 6 short weeks and the trust they have in one another. It’s been beyond amazing to be a part of a Godly community of young people again, I didn’t realize how much my heart missed it after I left school. I miss being in relationship with people who push me and make me think. Dare I say that I miss assignments that cause me to question what I believe? It’s so nice to be part of a group of people who are loving and encouraging and fun and deep all at the same time. I am again reminded of the part of me that is created to live in community with other people. “Our hearts are a bridge, let’s build bridges to each other.”

I have been feeling drained in a lot of ways, every possible way really and these past few days I have found energy in my faith. A friend of mine sent me a link to a sermon series called “The Question” where the pastor talks about the lack of passion that is so common in American Evangelicalism. As I sat on my bed and listened to it, CONVICTION hit me like a brick wall. I want to act out of a passionate need for intimacy with my Creator. Like David wrote in Psalm 42 and 63, I want to be dependent and utterly broken without intimacy with my Abba. Some of this may not make sense those of you not inside my brain and heart, and I know it sounds backwards to desire to be in need, but I consistently fail by my own strength. “I want more than this world has to offer.”

Over the weekend I was able to acquire the motorcycle that I will call mine for the rest of the summer. It’s a 125cc scooter with no clutch and a heel and toe shifter – confusing! Also, it says “happy” on the side J I am so thankful I took the NIU motorcycle class before I left, getting on this was a breeze. It’s so fun and freeing to have my own transportation. Traffic patterns here are WAY different than in the US, so it’s been interesting learning to drive here, no problems though! On Tuesday this week, I took the day off during the daytime and I met up with my friend Courtney. She was here with me during my semester, and recently started working with another organization in the area. We got lunch, went to the river and visited Josh, Vicki and Julia. It was so good to see an old friend and to be able to talk with someone about the frustrations I have with my responsibilities here. I have been feeling a weight on my chest for the past two weeks, and being with Courtney helped a lot. The weight is that there is a desire in me (I would argue in everyone) to be known. It is so energizing for me to be around a person who knows me, knows my heart. I know that these kinds of relationships take time and require trust, so I have been feeling impatient and lonely in a sense in my relationships with the interns. All of that to say it was incredible to spend time with Courtney where I felt like less time was spent on telling the back story of things and were just able to connect. Also, I am proud to say that I had a passenger on my motorcycle for the first time ever, free of mishaps, though every single Dominican stared at us because BOTH of us were wearing helmets (they NEVER wear them here).

T his weekend, we will finally have TWO WHOLE DAYS OFF. Everyone is really excited about being able to relax and not have such a crazy schedule. On Saturday we are going to a beach on the north side of the island, where I believe we can go snorkeling. For Sunday we talked about going to the upper waterfall on the Jimenoa River to spend the day relaxing. When thinking about where I am, I have these moments of clarity that absolutely blow my mind. When I walk out of my house in the morning, I am greeted by the view of the mountains in the morning air. When I am outside on a clear night, above my head lies the most beautiful night sky. I am entirely amazed at the beauty of this country, praise God that I get to be here. So thankful.

My heart has found hope in these moments.